and the ducklings followed.

"Do you remember the old roller city days?"
"No I don't my memory is shit."
Something that was such a huge part of my childhood, lost to the other person. He was my boy best friend at that time. The most care-free point in our lives at seven years old. We got along so well because I was such a tomboy. Mud, worms and mess interested me whereas all the other girls wanted to sit indoors watching Cinderella (just like to add that I was not deprived of the Disney classics) him and me were running around his garden being chased by his baby ducks.
"They follow me because they think I'm their mummy," he used to tell me. A fact that totally fascinated me and I wished that maybe one day I'd be adoptive mother to a small team of ducklings. I remember Sid the dog, he was the most ancient dog I had ever seen. Blind as a bat and totally deaf but he loved Sid more than anything else in the world. Him and his family found little Sid at the side of the road and decided to take him in. He'd had Sid for most of his life.
Our favourite song was Just a Little Bit by Liberty X, but not because of the actual song. In the first line was the word 'sexy'. This was the rudest word ever to us. We would never actually say it but when it came on the radio we would take one look at each other and be in fits of giggles for minutes. Reminiscing on these little childlike mannerisms has put pangs of longing in my stomach. Longing to go back to my care-free childhood, longing for messing around without anything to worry about. Never mind, right now is the best point in our lives and I'm definitely going to make the most of it, like I did back then.

Might sound absolutely ridiculous but I'd love to fly a harrier. It does mean me joining the RAF for 12 years and I could get killed in air-to-air combat. There is also height restrictions on flying certain aircraft. It'd be such an amazing career to tell people about though. It really appeals to me, I told somebody about this once and their only answer was "Elz I could never imagine you doing that!" Maybe I could prove everyone wrong? I never tell anybody about this career idea because I get embarrassed. Never mind, I'm not going to let my own embarrassment prevent me from carrying out something I want to do. Either this or I become a boring phycologist, although that could be exciting too.

unacceptability.

What behavior should be seen as unacceptable? Now I am older, absolutely nothing can surprise me. I've surrounded myself with damaged souls and illegitimacy. Gone were the days when 13 year old girls having sex was completely unseen. Drugs are a social norm to me, people who are close to me have cocaine history, a joint is practically a normal fag and some of my friends see no limits when it comes to experimentation.
Don't even get me started on drinking habits, our livers will be on their last legs by the time we're twenty. 2009 saw the pinnacle of these bad habits but I think people are starting to come out the other side of this dark tunnel.
Thankfully, the most drug-addled of people are quitting and for now things are relatively calm. Summer 2010 is on the way though and I know for a fact that we are not going to hold back with the partying. I'm not moaning about our lifestyle but sometimes people spiral out of control. I'm not going to lie though, I love the craziness.

Break stuff.

I've wound myself up into one of my destructive angry moods again. I just wanna grab anything within sight and smash it into tiny unfixable pieces, or scream. It's not a particular thing that's brought this on, it's everthing and everyone and I know it's just because I'm in this place. Anything can make me angry here. I try and tell myself to "calm the fuck down" but it doesn't work. I still think about all the little things that have driven me into this and can't break out. I'll carry on though, it'll be over in half an hour. I'm just glad that no one gets to see this, it's all kept inside.

thnks fr the mmrs.

non-chronologically. (Except for number 1)
number 1: Tilly, Emily, David, Nathan, Ali, Dom and me, all at the lakes for the first time ever. I'm trying to remember some quotes from that night but I don't remember.

number 2: Golf course all-nighter night. The day was so shit and boring but it turned out to be such a sick night. There was some underwear-clad teenagers running over the greens that night.

number 3: Strawberry fair. Charlz Waite and the reggae tent, "you alright sweet'eart". Herbs' little wierd stoner/trance hand waving thing. Just general train times.

number 4: ROTW. Met samuel and now look at what's happened. Probably the hottest day of the summer.

number 5: Emily's party. Watching Sam and Joe jump the fences was something I'll never forget. Probably the craziest night of the year.

number 6: The night at the Butt's. So many memories out of just one night. BANGGG SSSHHHHH. Tillyyyy having a bit too much to drink. The extensive amount of facebook rape. Walking to total. Hourly fag breakss. Feeding the snake. So many jokes times. Bring on the Butt parents going on holiday in the summer. That's three whole weeks of mayhem.

number 7: THE best christmas eve, ever. My sister finding out about just about every single illegal thing involved in my life :') The '6 minute to christmas' song. Cross-dressing. Smoking 'special fags' in the garden. "Nathan do you wanna try smoking custard powder instead of cocoa powder?"

number 8: all the crazy times at stanborough.

number 9: my house party. The day that Maureen Gissileire will never live down.

number 10: Emzilly's birthday night at the wood's. "LET'S PARTY"

number 11: snow day.

number 12: Enter shikari.

number 13: the night at Daniel Ward's

I'll add to this, people comment on it if you think of any more.

goodbye 2009.

It's almost the end of the sickest year I think I've ever had in my life. It's been pretty mental at times with things happening that I never thought would happen but it's made it all the more exciting. Straying from the point a second, please someone teach me how to use commas. Anyway, back to it. I don't really remember the first couple of months of 2009, so I'll talk about the best ones.

There has been a few people that have really made this year what it is. These people are: Tilly, Emily, Sam, Dom, Jord and Callum. A few of these are late-comers admittedly, but they are still probably the most important right now. They really have made the last few months what they were. Then there is the 'original group' who I love dearly and don't want to lose in any hurry. They also made my year what it was and 2010 is going to be even better.

The memories have been crazy ones from having 100+ people in a two bedroom, terraced house (crazy times) to running through a golf course in as little clothing as possible. I want to just write a list of every good time I've had in 2009. I may do it in another post in fact..........

ouchy.

What if I don't still have you by then? And my insides are torn up from the loss and hurt. How everything would change. How would I feel? How would you feel? These thoughts right at this second are taking up my head and I don't like it one bit. If I carry on thinking like this I'll end up tearing out my hair. STOP IT ELOISE.